Hey gang,
I'm having something that you would call an online relationship. The woman that I'm about to tell you about is a femme. Meaning she's a bio-woman that likes, is attracted to, and dates transguys. She lives in GA and I live in DE, so she's not just an hour away, if I were to go and visit her, I would have to make plans to go and visit her. I told her one of the conditions of me visiting her, is that there has to be interest on her side, and open and honest communication from her.
Now, I know that every woman that I meet, isn't honest, nor can anyone at least meet me halfway, when it comes to having an undivided attention conversation. I guess I'm strange, I like talking to one person at a time. She obviously was having a conversation with one of her friends, and she accidently typed. In my chat window, "I got a little bit".
Everyone knows that unless you've been around a person (grew up with them, has lived around them, works with them), that when they say something like that, then they know what it means. I've been around the block several times, and I'm no stranger to heartbreaks.
All I wanted her to do was to repeat and to clarify what she meant that she got a little bit. To me, when someone says that, that means that she went out and got some sex on the side. Exclusive relationship or not, that's cheating. In the beginning, I told her that I wouldn't be online, that I would be hanging out with a straight guy, that's a friend. I'm one of those rare people that actually have platonic friends, ok? lol! She came out with, "Why do transguys fool around with straight guys?"
I knew where she was coming from (I told you, I've been around the block a few times). I told her, "Look, I can't answer for other transguys that do that, but I prefer women and that's it".
She couldn't answer my question, a big red flag of China flew up in front of my eyes. I'm thinking about cutting this woman loose, and just stay focused on my studies, but on the other hand, I'm thinking about being a bit more patient, but continuing on to look for another woman, that I can at least have a conversation that is honest and open.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance.
Sebastian
I'm having something that you would call an online relationship. The woman that I'm about to tell you about is a femme. Meaning she's a bio-woman that likes, is attracted to, and dates transguys. She lives in GA and I live in DE, so she's not just an hour away, if I were to go and visit her, I would have to make plans to go and visit her. I told her one of the conditions of me visiting her, is that there has to be interest on her side, and open and honest communication from her.
Now, I know that every woman that I meet, isn't honest, nor can anyone at least meet me halfway, when it comes to having an undivided attention conversation. I guess I'm strange, I like talking to one person at a time. She obviously was having a conversation with one of her friends, and she accidently typed. In my chat window, "I got a little bit".
Everyone knows that unless you've been around a person (grew up with them, has lived around them, works with them), that when they say something like that, then they know what it means. I've been around the block several times, and I'm no stranger to heartbreaks.
All I wanted her to do was to repeat and to clarify what she meant that she got a little bit. To me, when someone says that, that means that she went out and got some sex on the side. Exclusive relationship or not, that's cheating. In the beginning, I told her that I wouldn't be online, that I would be hanging out with a straight guy, that's a friend. I'm one of those rare people that actually have platonic friends, ok? lol! She came out with, "Why do transguys fool around with straight guys?"
I knew where she was coming from (I told you, I've been around the block a few times). I told her, "Look, I can't answer for other transguys that do that, but I prefer women and that's it".
She couldn't answer my question, a big red flag of China flew up in front of my eyes. I'm thinking about cutting this woman loose, and just stay focused on my studies, but on the other hand, I'm thinking about being a bit more patient, but continuing on to look for another woman, that I can at least have a conversation that is honest and open.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance.
Sebastian
posted by:
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Delaware
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Re: Hey gang,
Wed, January 30, 2008 - 7:42 PM
Hold on a minute! I wouldn't necessarily assume that "I got a little bit" meant sex. Could it have meant sex? Sure. But it could also have meant about a thousand other things, depending on the context. And depending on the other conversation, maybe it was about something she just didn't want to share with you. Or maybe it would have taken too long to explain it to you. Did you express your concern that she was talking about cheating? If not, she may not have even thought of that interpretation and is just trying to keep the confidentiality of her other friend.
Secondly, you said "exclusive relationship or not, that's cheating". Well, I wouldn't agree. If she has a relationship where the people involved have said that sex with others is ok, then it is ok, and it isn't cheating. I believe that the term "cheating" should be reserved for breaking the rules of your own relationship, whatever those rules may be.
Finally, I find it odd that you said you are "one of those rare people that actually have platonic friends". I don't think that is rare at all. In my experience, many if not most people of all orientations have close friends who are "only" friends.
It sounds like you are really frustrated with this person, and maybe the frustrations are not worth the good things you are getting from her, I can't tell. But based only on what you've said here, it seems to me that you may be over-reacting a bit. Or is there possibly more that you haven't said?
Good luck!
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Re: Hey gang,
Fri, February 1, 2008 - 6:13 AMThank you for your response.
When we began chatting, she asked me what it was that I wanted out of a relationship. I told her complete communication, complete honesty, common sense, a sense of humor and faithfulness. I'm very flexible, I'm very open-minded, and I'm honest...to a fault. Maybe I'm weird, but when I'm interested in one woman, then that's it, just one woman. I do believe that anyone can talk to me and I will listen.
She said that she wanted the very same things. So, no misunderstandings there. As I have said, I have asked her to clarify what she meant by her saying "I got a little bit" and she didn't. I have a LOT of patience with people, especially women that I want to get closer to and get to know, so she had the opportunity to explain herself as clearly as she would have liked.
Since she couldn't be honest with me and say from the BEGINNING that it would be ok for either of us to have sex with other people then yes, it is cheating, that is, in fact, if she did cheat.
I'm well aware of the fact that there are people that are polyamorous. I'm not getting any good things from her, nothing. All I'm getting is evasiveness and non-communication. Case in point: She's taking an online class, and I came online and opened my yahoo IM window, she was there. Now, normally she's doing her school work, and she'll put up the "block" letting whoever know that she's doing her school work, so I won't bother her.
She didn't have the block on the time that I came online. So, I excused myself and I told her that I just wanted to say hi. Now since my computer doesn't have the capability to see what she is doing on the other side, I thought maybe she was doing some school work and forgot to put her block on.
Well, she tells me that she has to leave and I ask her why. She seemed to have gotten impatient with me, and I had to tell her to explain to me what she was talking about (Since she doesn't communicate with me). She finally calmned down and explained to me what was going on. I gave her two options, one of which she had already used. When I suggested the second option, she seemed to have calmned down even more. Then I went offline. Later on in the day, I came back online, and her block was back on and it showed that she was studying her school work, so apparently communication does work.
But I see what it is that you are implying. So I will keep my options open and I will seek out other women, but for friendship, and if possilbe for a relationship.
I will keep an open mind and I will continue to come here and ask for and look for suggestions.
Thanks again,
Sebastian
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