I already know this is an annoying post. but i really am interested in why some gay guys (very few) are so very hostile to me. i am waiting in line at starbucks on 18th street, near castro, when this table of six older gay guys start harassing me by saying stuff behind my back just loud enough for me to hear. the first is like, 'is that a girl or a guy?' then the other is like, 'its a guy, you can always tell because they wear make-up.' then they start comment on my butt. one says something about my "large ass" then the others start taking about 'largess,' in silly little comments. this is not the first time gay guys have put me down. i find it amazing. i am 5'10", active, a former marine.it takes a lot of moxie to be insulting someone who can kick your ass. most of the guys that do the insulting look like they've never been in a fist fight. where the hell do they get off doing that? and why is it alright to be insulting me, when most of them have been subject to harassment about their orientation? What is going on here?
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SF Bay Area
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Re: why is the T in LGBT?
Thu, April 3, 2008 - 10:20 PMI work around and worship with gay men. Four of the gay men that I go to worship with. The other gay men that I work with treat me with respect, I know at least one of them because I went to elementary school with him. When they either collectively or individually, look at me and pick at me, I just smile or I wink at them flirtatiously, and then I move on.
I look at it this way, they either find you very hot and sexy, they are jealous, or they don't know of any other way to get to know you, as a person. Or, they just might be very curious about you and don't know how to go about, politely asking you about you. Which, of course, is none of their damned business, or you can just ignore them and go on with your day. With all due respect to older gay men, they are just like old hens, they have nothing better to do than to cause trouble or gossip.
Why resort to violence, when you don't have to? Life is hard enough and there's too much violence in the world to let the "older generation" of gay men and yes, some lesbians get in the way of our self esteem.
Pat yourself on the back, and say to yourself, "Damn! I got it going on". And just shake your big butt at them and go on with your day.
I hope that helps.
Thanks!
Sebastian -
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Re: why is the T in LGBT?
Thu, April 3, 2008 - 10:55 PMThe way I figure it,
You gotta put yourself in the head space of when you put someone else down.
either outwardly or inwardly.
We've all done it.
Mostly in our own heads,
'what the hell does that girl got on?"
"that was the dumbest thing I ever heard someone say"
"did she really just order mashed potatoes and peanut butter?"
The difference of course is some people feel that it's ok to say them out loud in ear shot of the recipient.
So the head space that probably exists for these dickhead types is they have some kind of superior complex that gives them the
blind ignorance to think they are better than and have the right to dis those they dont like.
The mature beings keep that shit inside and dont give it much energy but for their own inner monologue's entertainment.
The idiot 12 year old adults spew it and somehow it makes them feel good.
Makes them feel better about themselves.
But if you got maturity, doing that doesnt make you feel better.
If you got a strong sense of self, dis'n someone else is no source of satisfaction.
so to conclude,
those idiots obviously are not very happy in their own skin to be putting others down.
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Re: why is the T in LGBT?
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 6:37 AMBecause gays are people just like everyone else. Stupid, petty, ignorant, homophobic, ... we got em all.
Me, I like anyone who uses "moxie" in a sentence.
Sounds like they're just your run of the mill insecure types looking to impress themselves and their friends.
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Re: why is the T in LGBT?
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 6:44 AMps. in the castro, gays are the majority, and act like such.
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Re: why is the T in LGBT?
Thu, April 10, 2008 - 5:52 PMMaybe not very comforting, but I would bet that the actor-observer bias is involved
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acto...erver_bias
Probably also some measure of peer approval seeking. Though I have been openly dissed for identifying myself as bisexual by an isolated gay man in a crowd of stand-up comics waiting for an open-mic. He actually made the comment "You should just get off the fence. There's no such thing as bisexual. I've had lots of sexual experiences with women because there was a lot of pressure for me to do that, but I don't see where there's pressure for you to suck dick." He apparently was unaware that he'd just created that pressure he was saying he couldn't see. :P
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Re: why is the T in LGBT?
Sun, April 13, 2008 - 1:07 AMIt's probably because they are jealous because you are out of the closet and they aren't. I'm bi and a former sailor. I just tell those few people that I'm a sailor and have a reputation to uphold. That usually shuts them up. -
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Unsu...
Re: why is the T in LGBT?
Sun, April 13, 2008 - 8:40 AMummm, they are gay and in the castro. They aren't in the closet. They're just people, and people are assholes. Gay people can be allies of transfolks, but they are a very diverse group of people comprising republicans, democrats, hippes, yuppies, rich, poor, punk, country and everything else. Being queer doesn't make you cool or enlightened, You have to work to get there and lots of folks in that neighborhood prefer to work on their tans, their muscles and their haircuts. Let it roll off of you and keep on track on your own journey. I know that it can be hard sometimes, and venting is a great help.
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Re: why is the T in LGBT?
Sun, April 13, 2008 - 10:34 AMHey,
This kind of hostility can be so very hurtful, so as a (small) antidote I'm sending a hug your way, as one "T" to another; or perhaps even more accurately, as one sensitive human to another.
Avi
